Today was our good neighbor Stephanie Nielson's funeral. As soon as I found out she had passed away last Sunday, I have been heartbroken.
She moved into our circle about 4 years ago along with her 6 kids and husband. I soon found out that she was also diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, but was BRCA positive. She had already gone through surgery and chemo when they moved in our neighborhood, just in time for me to be diagnosed soon after. I remember during the toughest days when I was going through Chemo that she would check in with me when I would be out walking around the circle. One time, I was so sick on my walk to the mailbox and I fell onto the grass and threw up. I remember Stephanie there trying to comfort me and help clean things up! She was one of the only people that could actually relate to my situation of being a mom with cancer, having to deal with the pain and fatigue from treatments, and keep our lives together. She was an inspiration to me during her fight as she never let her sickness slow her down. She was always at church, leading music or playing the piano and during the week always out caring for her beautiful yard full of flowers.
She fought cancer for 7 years and was in the process of trying to find a medication to help but unfortunately got very sick and in a lot of pain over the past few months and passed away due to complications associated with cancer. A few weeks prior to her passing, I was sitting in sacrament meeting at church and had a strong feeling and the spirit telling me that I need to do the 12 days of Christmas for the Nielson family this year and had already worked on putting this together when I heard the news.
Death has always been very difficult for me to deal with, especially funerals. I have only attended my grandpa's funeral and one other before. Since being diagnosed with cancer, my fear has only grown. I am not so afraid of death itself, but more worried about leaving my family and sweet girls behind. I want my girls to know how much I love them, how much I think about them all day and how I can be a better mom all the time. I love spending time with them, especially the little things like reading stories and snuggling or playing barbies. I want them to have a happy life filled with joys of family, vacation memories, reaching goals and accomplishments in both school and church.
A year or so ago, I started reading books about life after death. Some books were from LDS members and some from Christians. These books and the spirit of peace I felt while reading them has been so comforting to me. They remind me that the period of time we are on this earth is very short in the big picture and that we are not alone on this earth. We have family and loved ones on the other side that are helping to lift us up everyday. I have learned and felt more peace with death and moving on to the spirit world knowing that we will rejoice in the beauty and love we will experience there. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus are close by and give us comfort through the Holy Ghost even in the most difficult times and we are never alone!
