Week 3 of Recovery

This recovery has had its ups and downs. I have enjoyed staying home with the girls and spending time with them. The downside is that I can't do very much around home...no yardwork, organizing projects, cleaning and no exercising etc due to the lifting and activity restrictions after surgery. This week I have been able to not wear the brace as much and sleep a little better. I am also working on getting off the pain medicine and trying to walk around the neighborhood a little further every few days.

 This week was very rough for me and I began to get really depressed one Monday. I was having so many doctor's appointments with both oncology and alternative treatment doctors and lots of information given to me. I was just overwhelmed and exhausted! On that Monday I had a break down and felt like I don't want to fight this Cancer anymore. I have never felt this low through all the struggles, surgeries, and treatments I have faced so far. I just feel tired of fighting and being strong all the time. It has been hard to have a positive outlook (like I usually do) and I just feel so physically and mentally exhausted that it seems easier to just give up. I know that is not what I really want, but I have been through so many ups and downs since 2015 and feel like nobody really understands exactly how I feel. I feel like I have been so strong throughout this whole cancer thing....putting on a happy face, ignoring the fact that I might not live to see the next year or seeing my kids grow up, and trying to do all the things a good mom should do...putting kids in sports, reading to them, teaching them, cleaning, cooking, meal prep, and making sure everyone is eating healthy food and saying their prayers and learning their ABC's. I have tried over the years to keep my life busy with working full time, exercising at the gym, and taking care of my mental health with self care such as meditation.

I wish somebody would step inside my shoes one day to feel the joint pains I feel, the exhaustion my body feels, the stress of not knowing the future and trying to be patient with all those around me. Most of all, I find it frustrating and sad that I don't feel support from my husband, who should be my biggest supporter at this time. He tries to help around the house and with kids but sometimes I am so exhausted that I need to take a Sunday nap without kids bothering me, but he says he is so tired, despite sleeping in all morning and having breakfast made for him, and he decides to take a nap so I can't rest. I know this has been stressful on him and wish he would seek help for coping.

I have come to realize that somebody has felt what I felt.....my Savior. He is always there for me to complain to and to plead for comfort on my rough days. I am so thankful for the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation and to know that this life is only a temporary experience and that heaven is a wonderful and peaceful place.

I have also been very grateful for my parents who took time after work on that Monday I was struggling to take a walk around Bluffdale Park to boost me up and encourage me to keep fighting and staying strong.



I met with Lori, my social worker at Huntsman to see what recommendations she could give me to cope at this time. She had wonderful advice when I am feeling overwhelmed....she told me to
repeat a saying to "focus on controlling the things I can control" and letting go of worrying about everyone else's problems.

I had planned to return to work on May 3rd part time but after meeting with Dr. Z and trying to do more around home, I realized I am not ready yet. I am still on lifing restrictions until June 24th! I was able to get the doctor to extend my time off for another week. I started by just working 4 hours 3 days a week for 2 weeks and then slowing increasing my hours until June which I am hoping to return to full time work.

I am so tired of having to give myself the blood thinner injections and have a hard time finding a spot on my stomach to give them where there isn't a bruise. I have been counting down the days until I am done with these and recently found a trick to manage the sting of the injection. It works very well to do the injection and immediately get into the shower to distract my mind from the pain.

  

The picture above is the healed incision site and smaller belly button I now have.

While being off work, I was lucky enough to be able to attend a program at Aubrie's school. Aubrie had to pick an animal and learn about that animal and memorize 3 facts. She loved getting to dress up at school and singing the fun songs they have learned this year in Kindergarten.

Memorial trip to Hatch in the Snow

We spent Memorial weekend at the cabin. In Utah, we never know what the weather will be like at this time of the year. Unfortunately, the weather thought it was still winter and we spent the trip in a snow blizzard and playing in the mud. My parents rented 2 side by sides and we were able to take some fun day rides all together.

Hanging out at Panguitch Lake

Before the ride: 

After the ride:

This was Brynnley's first time learning to drive the kid 4-wheeler. At 3 years old, Papa Matt taught her how to ride and she loved it!!

Last Day of Kindergarten

Aubrie completed her last day of Kindergarten at Silvercrest Elementary at the end of May. 

She worked so hard and learned so much this year and is a great reader! She got straight A (E's) grades the entire year and even got a few special awards...Principal Pride and the Imperial Knight Award. Not everyone received this award because it required a lot of service and projects but this girl is motivated to be the best!

Last Day of Kindergarten with Ms. Bowen and last day of school at Silvercrest since next year she will go to Bastian Elementary.

What would the last day of school be without an injury from Aubrie?

On May 30, she was playing with a basketball and had her left pinky finger jammed. She came home and told me about her finger and seeing how swollen and bruised it was had her get an x-ray to see if it was fractured.....especially since I see lots of hand injuries now days, I though it was important. Well, after an x-ray at Families First Peds, it was a PIP joint fracture. Luckily we just had to buddy tape it for a few weeks and it will be fine after that. 

The week before school got out for the summer, Aubrie tried to pull one over on us. 

I went to pick her up one afternoon from school and got a text from someone asking about a party at Aubrie's house that night. I was really confused and asked Aubs what was going on. Well, little miss smarty pants decided to made hand made invitations for her entire Kindergarten class for a pool party at our house that night. She even included our address and my cell phone number. She never told me about this 'party' she was planning until I started getting questions via text. She told me that she let her friends all know how cool her pool was in her backyard. The best part is we only have a tiny little kiddy pool that the girls have played in all summer!

This past year, Aubrie has grown from a 5 year old to a very smart 6 year old and had lots of fun along the way. 

6th birthday

Lost her first and second tooth this year

Loved dressing up as "Jo Jo" a Nickelodeon channel singer

Crazy hair day compliments of Grandma Susie and Mom

100th day of school

Visiting Disneyland

Playing lots of soccer in the Fall and Spring